What is the color of repeated disappointment? Bitter Sweet - Pink Lemonaide
Please note that this came in response to a statement I made to my husband yesterday (Oct 4, 2022) "I need to learn what the colors I'm seeing mean". Though I know that for many it's what the color will mean to THEM- I need a way to interpret the colors - like a tarot deck guides a reader to the deeper meaning for the person being read for. The potential - of our understanding is in the nuance. It's never hard and fast or fixed. it's the subtle nuance of our experience mixed with the interpretation of the reader.
I suspect that this is disappointment in self. In the choices we made over our life. That we feel we've left things unfulfilled or uncompleted. It's subjective. It's malleable. It's also possible it's our own perception so may not be how others see us. But that doesn't invalidate the energy of how it sits within us.
VenTHE DREAM The wild ride - so as the joy ride to what you want most! Beckoned to hop into the back of a full stretch white cadalac circa 1963, top down. The while careening ride - over topes (speed bumps) that launch you soaring but never crashing. To deliver you unscathed. Of course the ride, sold to you by the person that is known as the one that can't drive or deliver or be trusted (?? hmmm??) Taking you to "The juice vendor!!" to have your wildest desire met! All the free juices.... Me: oh I'd like cranberry please Seller: oh we're not making that yet Me: Okay, how about orange juice! Vendor: oh machine error - I watch as the machine makes orange rind squares and the juice flows onto the floor. Vendor: Oh there is cranberry now... oh but we're alll out he says, as the last drops - drizzle into someone else's brightly colored straw festooned balloon glass. Then a cart rolls towards me ... a strawberry colored lemon slice twirling atop the contraption .. only $25 cents. Me: But aren't they all free? Aren't my dreams supposed to be free here? But alas - I have no pockets, no money and no cup to hold the sweet drink. So again I turn away - without my free, my chill, my drink or my dream.
What color is constant disappointment? I woke in tears - asking 'what color is repeated disappointment"? Even4 Pink Lemonade? But isn't that the bitter sweet of late summer in our youth? That 'thing' that we chase and crave (maybe even still in our later years) - without ever really having given it a true full form, expression or definition.