It's only taken me 43 years to get it. To understand that his death wasn't my loss - it was the end of his chapter in the now existence of my life. It's still an ache - but it's changed the flavor of my life. I dance lighter today. I still feel him in awe and wonder at the gifts he added to what is "me". To allow me to add a snippet to your life story.
Death of my daddy - the Missing and deep grief of my almost 16 year old self started that lost dad to deaths veil and mom into a bottle. But daddy was my,,, how to label it? My connection to source - it wasn't until after my moms death a few years ago - that I think I was his also as I was the only one written of in his journals and I received a small part of them. I have missed you for so many decades. Then you spoke to me of wonders today. Reminding me: "I wasn't to be your story. Just a piece of a chapter." ALL that have touched our lives, Some are written into the full story of our lives - start to finish. They add to the symphony our life should be. Others are our base, our first memories, our setup. They are the rich parchment paper of our story.
Then there are those, that come for a sentence, a paragraph or a chapter. They are the drama, the joy, the pieces of wonder that create depth and richness to our story.
But we still write it - so choose to write an epic novel of experience - not an ode to loss and grief. Let their piece of your story, lift up your heart and fill you with wonder that you had them touch your existence in such a way as to leave a print on the entirety of your life.
Life - The missing is okay - just don't get stuck there. EXPERIENCE JOY ... after all - they added to the fractal joy of your essence.
Also - you , yes YOU, are a piece of someones story. The parchment, the drama maybe, the cognac, the laughter, the tears. You added to their essence. Choose wisely how you write yourself on their story.
Foot Note: That top paragraph you need to understand something that happened a week ago today (11/7/2020) I was invited to participate in a spiritual ayahuasca ritual. As with any spiritual journey where indigenous medicine is involved I ask "am I ready, is it time?". The answer before now was always "no not yet". This time the answer was simply "it's time". This journey starts well in advance - and I'll write about it next. But you need to know that this experience, THE REMINDER OF BEING IN PURE JOY, is what allowed me to have this conversation and to be ready to receive the above. May you find it helps. GALACTIC JOURNEYS OF WONDER THE CANYON OF YOUR PATH FRACTAL PATTERNS AND COLORS OF JOY OPERATING AT THE SPEED OF THOUGHT SPARKS So many things ...