But isn't that the value of a title? To reach out and tell you, touch you, get your attention ? So there it is, my life journey started with the title. I know you are thinking that it began long before that with my birth or my cosmic choice to return again to the mortal plain. But this journey - the one that brought me to right NOW - is that one in the title.
Today - I'm sitting here in what feels like one of the homes of my soul. It is in the choices that brought me to Mexico - that the connection to being again a Shamana - but this time for Shamiana - that started with this one early phase of my life. I knew coming to Mexico was opening new channels to old doors. That to re-establish my hearts calling would take a dramatic leap of faith - but one that required no faith - just a deep assurance and knowing.
I didn't know that the journey would take a turn to Shamiana - just that it was to begin here. Okay Okay .. I know .. get to it already! lol .. okay and so I shall - for the title alone then as well as our own sanity.
When I was 5 - I drowned
For family - this will be the first time they hear/read those words. None of them know this piece of what 'turned me on'. None of them asked "what the fuck happened to Kathy". None of them I think realize even today that there was a breathing alien in their midst now. Well accept for mom - she never asked - but she knew that there was something special in her youngest daughter. Something that connected us in a unique and special way. I could 'see' her as she was - not as daddy would have wanted - not as the other kids expected - not as the people in their life would have thought. I guess that is the ultimate start of what I am - my ability to 'see' turned on. At 5 it's a gift that created no small amount of confusion as what to me was normal I could not talk about with anyone as it was not an established 'normal' - it still isn't LOL. Survival mode kicked in for many years and I walled off the gifts to "process" later. Thing about walls - they don't just stop one direction. They stop growth. They stop light. They stop memory formation. And take a hell of a lot longer to dismantle then they do to put up. Sorry I again digress -- but this is how life is - snippets from the story overlap as they weave and intertwine. We build upon the loom with black and white - then add in the threads of color and oro and gemstones.
Oh that fateful day
To this day I do not claim any great remembering of my childhood - just the vague notion that I was moving through it to arrive at a different destination. This day however is clear with the vision of my memories. Our family had gone to a friends ranch again for an after Sunday dinner. It was the 'thing' that the family of the minister did. We accepted invitations to meals etc. But at 5 it was just a small party for my childs mind. My brothers and the 'boys' and I had all gone up to the ranch pond for a swim. Do you know what an inner tube slide is ? Picture a slide - with a 40+ degree angle at the bottom - designed to BOUNCE the innertube into the air. I'm sure they no longer create such things - way too dangerous lol . But oh my they were to be fun - IF you had an inner tube! The boys did - and flew down the slide and were launched out over the water! Giant splashes and laughter echoed across the area. My turn .. and I skooched my way about half way down the slide and let go - wheee - plopping into the water at the base of the slide with just a flailing of arms and feet. Oh the fun! "chicken ! Chicken! CHICKEN! You have to go from the top!" Of course the taunt worked from my brother - it always did as we're less then 2 years apart. So up I climbed to the top of the slide. Grabbed the sides with both hands and LAUNCHED myself downward towards destiny.
I remember the sound when I hit what was designed to launch an air filled innertube into the air - and it was not woosh or wee. It was SNAP! Then came sliding into a dark oblivion of feeling nothing much of anything. Just this warm sensation of falling, sliding, slipping into gossamer. Then came the silence - deep and profound - unlike any level you may have experienced. A Silence and Stillness so deep that it still makes me smile. Then came the light - I could see them/it coming towards me -- shining through the water weeds on the bottom of the pond. That milky mist of mud or silt as it settles through water. Still the silence persisted. There was no ripple of motion on the water. No waving of the water weeds as the light passed it. Then my body was moving .. flowing through the water and 'flowing' onto the shore; half in and half out of the water.
then came the heat
HEAT ... as if someone had stolen the sun from the heavens and was running it along my spine. BREATH ... SOUND ... BREATH ... Such soft SOUND .... but still a sense of PEACE. Was it an angel or an alien - I may have to leave this life to ever give you an answer. But really for me - they are the same. Angels And Aliens. "You can't leave yet - remember why you chose to return - healer and more" I remember getting up at some point and walking back to the house. Of being "still" . If you have been around a hyper active 5 year old you may understand that having them be 'still' is not normal. But still no one asked.
It was not until 30 years later that I remembered the stillness - the silence - the fact that my brother(s) and the 'boys' were not part of this segment after the initial taunt. They'd not connected that I had not surfaced after my launch toward becoming. Will they remember this day in the sunlight or has it faded into the distant past. Will it matter? No not really - for this telling is for you and I . This is a memory of my own becoming.